I have 8 patterns that I have recently assembled, printing them out, putting them together, grading, and then cutting out the pieces. I have 10 other ones that I have printed, but haven’t yet assembled. And then one pattern where I have actually cut the fabric but haven’t done anything with. It’s all I’ve had the energy for this summer, torn between sitting in my dark (but cool) basement and sitting in the bright (but warmer) reading room. But also driving my daughter around for her job and taking care of the house and the family and and and and and.

I had so many plans for my summer sewing, but its increasingly looking like I did almost all my summer sewing in April and May. I wanted to move into a phase where I only sewed white garments, and I started with the white wrap dress, and I cut a white jumpsuit, reprinted and assembled the Kalle shirt dress with my new sizing…And then nothing. I’m writing this now instead of sewing because…I’m so tired. Run down. Done.

Right now, I’m more in love with the potential of my projects than the projects themselves. Maybe I need something to look forward to? Maybe it’s the almost-change in seasons that’s making it hard to still want to sew summer dresses, and I’m not quite ready to think of fall. Maybe I’m a little discouraged at my changing body and having to re-think what looks good on me and what I want to sew, while also deciding what to do with garments that don’t fit anymore.

I look at all the patterns I’ve printed and feel overwhelmed, instead reaching for the same handful of patterns I love making, patterns I know look good on me. Why take a chance on a garment I may end up hating when I can sew something reliable, but also maybe not because maybe it isn’t as reliable as it was previously.

So I just keep printing and assembling patterns that are taking over my sewing space and the rest of the basement. I’m starting to wonder if it is ultimately cheaper to send them off to be printed, between the toner, the tape, and the paper costs, but then what would I do to fill the time when I’m not sewing but still want to be doing something related to sewing (that isn’t spending more money on patterns and fabric)?

This summer I’ve had writer’s block and sewist’s block and ability to watch new TV shows block and finishing reading books block and…

I’ve finally connected with a therapist who has asked me if I’m depressed, and I have been depressed before, and it isn’t that, but I do think I’m burnt out with little to no relief in sight. I used sewing to quiet my mind but my mind is so quiet, so blank at the moment, sewing doesn’t help anything except remind me how done I am right now with everything.

I finally accepted that summer sewing is over, so I put away the summer patterns and the summer fabrics, looking forward to making fall and winter dresses. The work space looks cleaner now, still surrounded by assembled patterns, waiting to be made.

I know this will pass, it always does. Just…It sucks in the moment. So I’ll just keep assembling patterns with the knowledge I’ll eventually be in a place where I’ll actually use them.